Selamat datang di blog seorang pribadi pembelajar :) Namaku Hawari, namamu siapa?

Monday 29 December 2014

Jamaat

Dia adalah seorang teman ku. Ketika SMA, kami duduk berdekatan, dia di posisi paling pojok kanan kelas, aku tepat duduk di meja di depannya.
Terkadang, saat kami diminta berkelompok mengerjakan tugas, dia akan dengan sedikit ogah-ogahan rela pindah ke mejaku. Terutama saat kelas Fisika, hampir selalu, aku Randi, Ganwsib, dan Jamaat mendekat dan membahas soal-soal yang diberikan oleh guru Fisika kami yang cemerlang otaknya dan brilian cara mengajarnya(Ditambah lagi nama beliau mirip dengan nama suatu merek Bis yang murah dalam kota, tebak saja sendiri).
Biasanya percakapan akan semakin asik saat kami sedang bertiga, Randi, Jamaat, dan aku. Kami membahas mengenai Fisika secara mendalam. Kami bertanya mengapa itu terjadi,
"Oh tidak mungkin begitu, pasti begini, Ki(memanggilku)." seru Jamaat.
"Lho tapi lho yo ga ngono Jaa, masalahe lho ngene(menjelaskan lagi panjang lebar)" Randi ikut beradu mulut.

Sungguh masa-masa yang menyenangkan, :)
Kami berbicara soal metafisika, berbicara tentang mengapa beberapa hukum fisika itu ada.

Jamaat memang anak yang sangat antusias. Jika ia sedang penasaran ia akan mengejar jawabannya, entah sampai mana dia mengejar. Cukup jauh sampai dia merasa puas.

Ia juga tidak suka difoto. Suatu ketika, kami sedang mengikuti lomba. Dalam lomba ini kami lolos dari babak penyisihan, entah selanjutnya babak apa, sepertinya ke babak quarter-final. Masih ada sekitar 30 tim disana. Satu tim beranggotakan 2 orang dan saat itu aku berhasil membujuk Jamaat untuk mencoba mengikuti lomba. Saat itu aku membujuknya dengan iming-iming sertifikat, bila kita punya sertifikat, kemungkinan kita untuk diterima di undangan bisa lebih besar. Namun aku tidak tahu juga alasan sebenarnya dia mengikuti lomba apa, dia adalah seorang anak yang jarang mau memberitahukan alasannya melakukan sesuatu. Tapi aku yakin bahwa dia seorang yang pasti memiliki alasan untuk melakukan suatu hal. Off topic, balik lagi. Ketika kami lolos kami mendapatkan atribut-atribut tambahan, yaitu kaos, nametag baru, dan beberapa hal lain. Yang unik adalah kami diharuskan untuk berfoto dengan menggunakan name tag yang baru tersebut. Jamaat panik.
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Ganswib pernah bercerita padaku kenapa Jamaat sampai benci difoto dan entahlah aku bisa komentar apa terhadap alasannya, tapi yang terbaik mungkin memang hanya menghormati keputusannya.
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Ia bertanya padaku apakah memang harus difoto? Ya, kataku. Memang sudah hak panitia untuk menentukan peserta ingin diapakan pula, pikirku. Siapa tahu mereka memang butuh untuk melakukan hal itu. Jamaat pun semakin panik. Ia berkata bahwa aku jahat, "gak konco kon Ki.", dan hal-hal lainnya. Akan tetapi tetap saja, ia tidak bisa lari. Entah kenapa ia  tidak memilih untuk melobi panitianya saja, ia malah menyuruhku untuk melakukannya. Sudah jelas aku tidak mau. Yang tidak mau difoto dia, kenapa aku yang diminta untuk berbicara? Ini kenyataan yang memang harus dihadapi, tidak semua sesi berfoto bisa dilewatkan begitu saja. Face the reality that sometimes we have to take a picture of ourselves.
Jadilah Jamaat bersedia ikut difoto. Walaupun, matey, dia difoto sambil pakai jaket dengan hood maksimum, kepala menunduk kebawah. Ya, not bad. Seenggaknya Jamaat mencoba. Well done ~

Berikut sekilas cerita ku mengenai salah seorang teman ku yang unik, Jamaat. Happy wondering!

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Sunday 28 December 2014

Susahnya bersyukur

Pusing ya?
This whole thing about my trust issues.
This whole thing about whether there's someone out there who's willing to listen to my disappointment, my miserable stories(wwkwk)
Hal-hal mengenai perasaan dimana aku ngerasa ga ada yang sebenarnya peduli.
Bahwa orang hidup cuman untuk hidup mereka

Aku tuh susah gitu buat bersyukur. Hiks :''(
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Just so you know, sometimes, I choose not to care.
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Pusing

Anyway, I just noticed that what I often posted here has a bad title, wkwkwk
Pusing lah, sedih lah, confused lah. wkwkwk
That's just my style.

Kali ini, pusing ku agak parah.(Sebenernya lbh tepat kalo dibilang bingung)
Quest ku buat liburan ini, salah satu yg terpenting adalah: A Quest to Understand Myself

Ada begitu banyak aspek dari diri ku yang aku masih cukup bingung.
Tapi salah satu hal yang paling utama itu adalah memahami posisiku saat aku sedang berhubungan dengan akhwat. Anykind of relationship. From just a stare to friend.
Sering aku masih kurang jelas gitu boundary ku. Well, don't ever touch me. Let's not meet too much.
Trus muncul sifatku bahwa aku ga boleh terlalu bergantung sama akhwat, atau jangan sampe ada akhwat yang terlalu bergantung sama aku. It confuses meeee!
Oke aku punya tujuan yang jelas.
Tapi beneran, talking with them are so much fun, making me doesn't wanna stop. That's also some of the reason I think it's dangerous. Aside from fitnah.
Dan lagi, oke dari segala sudut pandang kecowok an, adalah suatu hal yang teramat sangat totally normal untuk melihat seorang akhwat. To see a girl in the face. Bahwa saat aku nggak mencoba memendam rasa ketertarikanku dengan melihat hal-hal yang nggak sepantasnya, naluri itu akan ada. Sebuah naluri untuk mencari keindahan. Seorang wanita.
Dan itulah yang sampai sekarang aku masih belum paham. Is it not possible for me to live without thinking about girl so much? I mean, I don't think about girl that much, but I just can't ignore them whenever I meet them. How do I neutralize these?
Oh god I just realized that I don't have a life worth obsessing. A life that's much worthy than just thinking about any girl. I think that's the reason. I just don't get why I'm still alive.
Lately, I've been thinking too much about what I should do. I'm still confused, though, as for how can I shift that paradigm into a way to think about doing the real thing, not just a should.

Btw, shalat ku nggak khusyuk sejak aku balik ke surabaya, hiks :(
Astaghfirullah...
Abaikan dibawah nya, gaes. Oke fine aku ada utang, tapi blom kubayar gara2 belum ketemu bkn gara2 ga ada duit -__-

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Tuesday 9 December 2014

Finding somethings else to love


Right now, I find myself trying to look for things to love again.
Back to Grand Chase again Haha :D
It was quite such sad story, how the game closes :'(
I can totally relate with KageRyu in his last game:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGycrv7C6b0&list=UUUKr3d9nT3Nqkryp1JFU9ng

He said that he won't be playing GC anymore, not even in the other region like NAGC. Whereas I, desperately looking for things to love, try this game once again. Where is my pride as a gamer?
I will delete the game, definitely.
I don't want to be played around by KOG again. Who knows when NAGC will be closed, too?
Nobody knows, but KOG sure is a disappointing developer. To just suddenly cut off it's branches in so many regions, including Indonesia.
Farewell KOG, farewell NAGC!
Here, a picture of some characters in Grand Chase.
 
Note: this was one of the most beautiful picture I met this week. Lass and Mari in dark Sirius gacha!


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Friday 5 December 2014

Sebuah kisah cinta Utsman dan Naila

program perasaankusetelahkegagalanhariini;

 {program ini adalah program yang menceritakan tentang kegagalanku menahan nafsu itu hari ini dan apa yang mungkin adalah rasa yang membuat aku tertekan dan akhirnya lari kepada hal itu lagi. Ditambah dengan sebuah link eksternal sebuah cerita cinta yang menurut daku sendiri masih meragukan apakah hal seperti ini masih bisa terjadi, Aamiin. Diasumsikan bahwa bacaan ini murni pengekspresian diri ku sendiri tanpa mengabaikan perasaan orang yang mungkin terkait di dalamnya}

var

fout : text;
f:strings;

begin

assign(fout, "
http://www.dakwatuna.com/2010/12/27/9996/kebersadarjagaan-mencintai/#axzz3L0sLLPxA")

reset(fout);
writeln('Judulnya adalah:');

writeln('Kebersadarjagaan Mencintai');

 writeln(' diambil dari: http://www.dakwatuna.com/2010/12/27/9996/kebersadarjagaan-mencintai/#axzz3L0sLLPxA');



writeln('Aku adalah seorang manusia di masa remaja nya yang bingung akan masalah-masalah yang dihadapinya.');
writeln('Aku tak tahu siapa aku, yang kutahu bahwa memang tak mudah bagi pria remaja untuk tidak tertarik pada wanita remaja.');

writeln('Karena ke alpa an dan ke lemahan hati ku dalam menjaga emosi, aku biasa melepaskan kepenatan menahan rasa suka kepada wanita remaja dengan membaca hal-hal yang tidak seharusnya kubaca, apa yang dikatakan sebagai hal-hal senonoh.');
writeln('Usai melakukannya, memang benar bahwa aku akan langsung lupa akan perasaan yang kupendam sebelumnya terhadap wanita remaja yang mungkin tanpa aku sadari telah aku sukai. ');
writeln('Aku bahkan masih belum paham kenapa aku harus berhenti melakukannya, tapi aku tahu pasti bahwa itu benar-benar menghisap daya hidup, semangat juang, dan bara kehidupan di hati ku ini.');
writeln('Aku pernah berharap bahwa akan ada seseorang yang bersedia untuk memegang tanganku ini, menariknya agar tubuh yang rapuh ini bisa berlari dan mencari bara kehidupan itu lagi. ');
writeln('Namun, entah kenapa aku benar-benar merasa lelah. ');
writeln('Aku merasa sudah tak mampu melawan ini. ');
writeln('Biarlah bara kehidupan itu mati.'); 
writeln('Entahlah, memang kasihan nasib diri ku yang malang ini, sudah berkenalan dengan kejamnya rasa haus akan dipenuhinya pengharapan dan kebutuhan tak dibutuhkan ini.');
writeln('Karena memang pada kenyataannya itu lah yang kurasakan.');
writeln('Aku merasa bahwa aku sudah tak punya alasan lagi untuk tidak melihat hal-hal tersebut.');
writeln('Sungguh menyedihkan, memang.');
writeln('Rasanya air mata ini sudah tak sanggup menetes lagi.');
writeln('Bukan karena kantung air ini sudah habis, tapi karena hal yang sangat jauh berbeda.');
writeln('Karena memang bara ini sudah akan padam');
writeln('Sebuah bara yang membutuhkan segudang bahan bakar untuk bisa menyala lagi');
writeln('Kenapa semua ini terdengar begitu menyedihkan?');
writeln('Padahal pada kenyataannya aku adalah seorang anak yang berkecukupan secara material');
writeln('Mungkin memang itu sebabnya, bukan secara material..');
writeln('Sebabnya adalah sesuatu yang tak tampak, sebuah pengharapan yang tak kunjung terkabulkan');
writeln('Sebuah pengharapan akan munculnya seseorang yang akan menarik tangan yang terkulai lemas di samping badan');
writeln('Kuakui, post ini alay banget -__-"');

writeln('Thank you All :D, this sure made my day a li'l bit');

close(f);
end.
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Friday 21 November 2014

Sedih 02

S
e
D
i
H

s
E
D
I
h

S
E
D
I
H

s
e
d
I
H

kenapa ya? Tadi barusan di kritik hiks. T.T
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Monday 17 November 2014

Sedih

Se Dih
sE d Ih
Sed iH
S e d IH
seD iH
SeDiH
s Edi H
SE DI h
s ed IH
SED ih
seDIH
s ED IH
sed I h

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Sunday 12 October 2014

Respect for the Opposite Gender

Actually I feel kinda strange when I'm near(actually, really near) a girl, that's why I avoided that kind of condition. But some kinda harsh example is when I am inside a public transportation.. What can I do?
I also actually feel kinda strange when an unknown girl stare at me, I mean when we just met in a very unknown condition, then suddenly she just started to take a look at me.
Even in normal cases when I'm meeting a girl friend(not girlfriend) of mine talks with me in normal settings, it's sometimes still hard for me to look at them in their eyes at all times when we talked.

My respect for girl, woman, is not the kind of normal respect. I basically respect them the way they respect themselves.
Women, girl, whom I respected the most are the ones who wear hijab because they have respect for the beauty given to them. They didn't give it for free. The only people that they allow to know about their physical beauty(ies) are their family and the most special one, the husband that they'll all have after such a special waiting.
Women, girl, whom I kind of disrespect are the ones that didn't preserve the beauty they've been given by Allah. It isn't about for free or not. If it is, then it's just a matter of payment bill and check, on hotel, or anywhere. It's just that they aren't that special. Physical beauties that can easily be seen and pursued by anyone. To me, it seems like they're inviting the wolves.

I was once a wolf too. Even now, that instinct is
still here inside. Every time I am given a chance 
to take a peek at the physical beauties that shared 
disrespectfully, then I'd gladly strike it to my grab.
I try not to look at a girl wildly. The instinct that will never be die out, flavored with the old imagination from my past times. That is the thing that will always hold me back.My highest respect for girl are given that way. So, please don't feel so strange if you see me in a way of avoiding eye contact for a long time, avoiding getting near you, or anything.


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Monday 29 September 2014

Kendo (Salah fokus)

Oh men, tadi gila para banget kating nya mah.
Swing(Suburi) men ampe 240x, dan itu baru pemanasan.
Gila.

Tapi ya udah sih asik biar ke depannya makin jago.
Kalo kata katingnya sih I've got the the hang of it, cmn dijaga aja spy jangan menurun.
Bahu yang ke bawah dan ga keikut maju ke depan.
Sasaran yang ujung shinai harus pas di leher lawan.
Sudut yang aga gede biar tangan kiri tetep bisa lurus dan rileks bgitu juga dgn tangan kanan.
Kalo masalah kaki InsyaAllah udah mantap diajarin ama Shudo sensei di surabaya sih, arigatou, sensei.

Apa mimpi aku?
Hum, Ganesha Perkasa.
Kepada juara 1 Kendo International bleh bleh bleh, Muhammad Al-Hawari, dipersilahkan untuk maju ke depan. Wuhuuuuuuuuu asik meen wkwkwk ~
Aamin lah.

Mimpi buat relationship?
Geje di Bandung mah. Udah semua perempuan keliatan cakep, banyak pula, heeeh -...- Nothing special mungkin ya?
Sekarang udah bener-bener saatnya buat banting tulang, lupa in yang namanya improving relationship ama any girl, InsyaAllah kuat.
Banting tulang.
Yang keras. Tapi bantingnya ke spring bed yah biar ga patah ~..~

Nyok tidur nyook ~
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Wednesday 27 August 2014

Review Film: Perahu Kertas part. 1

barusan, gue nonton film "Perahu Kertas part. 1"
Well, it's a story about love. Sebuah kisah mengenai hati yang direlakan. Hati yang tak mampu menunggu dan memilih untuk terus melaju. Sebuah kisah tentang beratnya memegang keorisinalitasan diri seseorang. Sebuah cerita tentang indahnya kehidupan mengejar impian.

Mengajar di tempat mengajar anak-anak. Melihat mereka tersenyum dan tertawa. Mencuil kan jari untuk berfikir dan memberikan yang terbaik tanpa harus merasa eksentrik. Mengejar mimpi menjadi penulis dongeng, dan memperdalam ilmu mengenai perdongengan tersebut. Menjadikannya mampu untuk menempuh jalan yang berbeda dan tetap berdiri di atas kaki diri sendiri. Sungguh indah.

Mewarnai ruangan tempat tinggal segampang tangan menorehkan tinta. Menemukan dongeng yang bermakna dan menenangkan untuk diberi warna. Mencelupkan kuas lebih dalam guna mendapatkan keorisinalitasan warna yang sangat unik dan tak biasa. Tertampar oleh realita, merasa sudah tak bisa apa-apa, meinggalkan segalanya, pergi. Pergi menuju suatu jalan yang tak tahu tujuan akhirnya, tetapi sangat jelas menemukan cinta di dalam perjalanannya. Perluasan aspek diri, penyaluran aspirasi dalam diri untuk memecah kehampaan dunia. Sungguh seru.

Here it is:

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Monday 18 August 2014

Loneliness: The Beginning of Romance

Loneliness – The Beginning of Romance


When we are in the depths of our loneliness, what comforts us – what could possibly take us away from it? What, indeed? So often, it feels like there is no solace; like we are running from our own shadow. And it is true, in a way. There is no escape from being alone. We are always alone. But there is a way out of loneliness.
All our efforts at escaping loneliness are fundamentally flawed, for we don’t understand the nature of what we are running from. There is something beautiful about your loneliness. And when you see that, when you acknowledge it, learn to delight in it, that’s when something shifts inside you. When your loneliness becomes aloneness – that is freedom! That is when you can truly begin to Love!

Fragmentation and the search for wholeness

As Osho once said – the first thing is to acknowledge aloneness. Aloneness is our true nature; we can never, ever, not be alone. We come into this world alone, we leave the world alone. And in between these two, we are alone – but we frantically hide from it, run from it, pretend it isn’t true.
I remember analysing an attachment style test in a psychology class once. It aimed to discover how secure we are in our relationships. One of the questions was: “Do you ever feel like you want to completely merge with another?”
The room erupted into an awkward, hesitant burst of laughter at such a question. How absurd! – they seemed to be saying. But I remained silent. An old memory struck me, and I remembered feeling that same depth of loneliness, once, a long time ago. Or perhaps it never truly left me – an alienation so deep that the only way out truly seemed to be melting into another person.
Feeling cut-off in the middle of a lunchtime crowd, feeling alone when cuddling with a girlfriend; always on the outside looking in at life. I remember glancing around at my fellow students. The look on their faces – it seemed like many felt the same way.
This alienation is the universal dilemma of human existence – never at ease, never at home. It drives almost everything we do. Loneliness and separation is an intrinsic, permanent part of our ego.
In the teachings of non-duality, the core of many religions and philosophies, the message is simple – we are all part of the infinite, ever-present, eternal One Life. We are all deeply interconnected and inseparable.
The ego, then, is the universal illusion, the exaggerated feeling of “I”, and the root of all our solitude. For the moment we feel we are “I”, that is the moment we have created the “Not-I”, the other, everything else. We become a fragment, cut off from the rest of existence. We become a dot in this world, forgotten by God.
This sense of fragmentation, for some – perhaps the ones who couldn’t laugh in the lecture hall – is conscious. It shows up as a deep and constant sense of not being whole, of not being enough.
For others, those who laughed at the test, this sense is unconscious. They lack something, but they don’t know what it is. And so they seek, and strive, and struggle, yet all the time not knowing what it is they are trying to fill. More belongings, more sex, more status, more power, more recognition, more, more, more. Almost all their efforts stem from this drive for self-completion. But it is all futile – we are throwing our energies down a bottomless pit. That we are trying to fulfil is the very thing that is causing our lack.

Romance – the new alcohol

Romance is perhaps the most common cover-up for the sense of fragmentation. If we are lonely, it must make sense that we need a special someone! Logical and cold, like a business transaction. A boyfriend, a girlfriend, a lover, someone, anyone! We have reduced them to a mere cover up for our sorrows – no different from the misuse of alcohol, the noise of our television, or killing time on the phone until we can next be with someone – as if we have so much time to kill!
Sex is the closest we can get to oneness on a physical level, and that is why it is so deeply satisfying. And when we peer deeper into our heart, fragmentation shows up as a need to attach, to cling, to melt and to merge. How many people are conscious of this lack? How common is this primordial sense of alienation? Common enough to show up on a standardised psychological test.
And so we look for someone to take away that feeling. When we are with someone, we can take our mind off that background sense of disharmony. Suddenly, our existence seems to have meaning. “I am not alone!” You exclaim, as you cuddle, hug, and kiss. “I have someone who needs me, who wants me! I am beautiful, I am wanted, I am worthy! I am no longer alone!”
And yet, a mere cover-up is all they will ever be. Even when we are with our loved ones, we are still just as we are – alone.
A few weeks ago, I was watching a documentary on the “host” sub-culture, in the nightclub districts of an affluent country. It revolved around handsome young men – dressed up gaudily, highly trained in seduction, paid to lounge around in special bars. They play host to multitudes of women – often young, pretty, and rich – who pay for their company, their caresses, and their idle flattery.
The film focused in particular on the finest host in town – a charming man who owned his own bar. He was living the dream. His prowess with women made other men pale in comparison. He stole women away from their husbands and boyfriends. Women fought over him, sometimes physically, sometimes by throwing money at him, and he goes home with a different one every night. It seemed he would be the last man on Earth to feel alienated.
Near the end of the documentary, I remember the interviewer asking him if it was all worth it. He hangs his head and sighs. “It was all fun for the first few years. But after a while… I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anymore. I am the loneliest man in the world.”

The beauty of aloneness, and the sorrow of loneliness

If romance and sex, if money and fame and recognition offer no relief, what does one do? When you are in the throes of heartache and loneliness, what good are the teachings on oneness and inter-existence? Unless you can experience what they are pointing to – how do they comfort you?
Pretty words to fill your head, and then you close the book and turn to look at your bed, and find it as cold and lonely as it was before. If we can never not be alone, what then? All I can offer is a change of perspective.
Another quote from Osho, then: Aloneness is beautiful, it is grand. Loneliness is sorrowful, it is despair.
On the surface, they look the same. But in reality, they are worlds apart.
Aloneness is our nature. Loneliness is us running away from it.
You are alone. Why make it into a problem? Relax into your loneliness; into your sadness. Don’t run from your aloneness, for it is always there. Celebrate being alone, delight in yourself, dance in your aloneness. If you can’t, then you will forever be running away. Love yourself. It is the only way.
Simply sit down, and be lonely. Don’t think about it. Just feel it. Relax into it, and then you’ll find that your sadness has its own sacredness. Being alone is the perfect chance for you to go deeper into yourself. See all your subtleties, face yourself squarely, and gaze at all the parts you don’t want to. Bring it all up into the light of your awareness, and accept them, love them.
We go off into the city, into the office, into the nightclubs, to run from our aloneness. The teachers, the gurus, the Zen masters – they go off into the mountains so they can get better acquainted with it.
So what? Then what? Once you delight in yourself, then – and only then – can you truly delight in the other. It’s a paradox, one of the biggest ones in the world. Only when you no longer need a lover; that is when you can find romance. Anything else is a sham, a pale imitation.

To be needed and to be loved

A sham. That’s what the entire game of romance is. Who is our “romance” really about? Us, and us alone. We say – I love you. But what we really mean is – Please love me. Manipulation is all it is.
Manipulation to fill our gaps, so we can feel loved, to feel needed. In fact, we have come to confuse the two words – being needed, to us, is the same as being in love!
A friend of mine was complaining to me about something very strange. Her husband had begun to discover the joys of aloneness. He had become meditative, more content and quietly joyful. He loved and laughed when he was with her, but he was also beginning to enjoy his solitary time. He was starting to see that there was nothing lacking, that he no longer needed her to feel complete.
And she began going insane. She became worried; her suspicions began overwhelming her. Why is he so content, so happy? What was he doing in his solitary walks in the park? Is there another woman? She followed him, but he did nothing wrong – he just walked. She spied on him when he was alone in the study, but he did nothing wrong there either – he was meditating, reading, praying. No forbidden love, no strange fetish.
“Why?” she wailed. “What is going on?” Why was she upset? That would be a better question. He no longer needed her, and to her it felt like he was falling out of love. But he wasn’t – in fact, he was falling in love for the first time.
Neediness is so common that we think it’s a sign of romantic love. But neediness is simply that – neediness. And this need will never be satisfied, for nobody – no matter how sweet, handsome, beautiful, gentle, extravagant, and attentive – can ever love your ego the way it wants to be loved.
At most, you will be satisfied for a period of time – the “honeymoon” phase, when you are “in love”, when everything seems perfect and beautiful. Your existence seems to have meaning, for someone needs you and loves you.
Then one day your needs and insecurities – all symptoms of the basic, primordial sense of fragmentation – raise their heads again. Or maybe it just seems that way – they had always been there, we just forgot about them for a while. And that’s when the arguments start, for we think it is the fault of the other person.
“You were supposed to make me happy!” you cry. And the sweetness, the smiles and the kisses begin to swing the other way. We become sad; we attack them for not making us happy; we manipulate them into giving us more. Maybe they give in, and the pendulum swings back into sweetness. Maybe they don’t, and we break up in tears and anger. This even seems normal.
But it is not their fault. No one can take away our primordial sense of separation except us. But we don’t know that, and so we go on complaining and pulling strings. We forget that the only way to be satisfied is to be satisfied in yourself.
Lonely people cannot Love; they can only pretend to, for they have nothing to give. They only give a plastic love, in the hope that someone will give real Love in return. Everything becomes a giant game; a chess match.
But when you no longer need to be needed, when you truly stop wanting to be wanted, that’s when your loneliness changes into aloneness. And you begin to see Love.
Dedicated to all those who are or have been lonely and alienated.

The misunderstandings

This article is perhaps the most misunderstood article I have ever written; and so I’d like to clear up some common misunderstandings here:
  1. Loneliness – it is separate from aloneness; two different things. Our physical nature is to be alone. We can never, not be alone. Even if we are having sex, we are still relatively physically separate. But that is not a problem, it only causes sorrow when we run away from it. When we run from our nature, we cause our own pangs of loneliness… but when we acknowledge and embrace our nature, we find the beauty of aloneness.
  2. And from aloneness, that is the beginning of true Romance. I am not saying everybody fakes love – I’m saying lonely people do; for they cannot love if they need. Love is the opposite of need. Once you stop needing, that is when you can find love. There are many who do truly love; there are many who do not expect anything in return – but those are the souls who have found aloneness.
  3. Once you have stopped being needy, which is what I have called aloneness, that is when you can truly go out into the world and find a proper romance and relationships. Otherwise, it is likely to be neediness, attachment – and not real love. That is all I am saying, I’ve stated that many times throughout the post – that real Love cannot come from loneliness. I am not saying we should all be alone forever, although there’s definitely nothing wrong with that.

Notes: Taken fully from UrbanMonk.net(Now closed)
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Saturday 26 July 2014

Kesedihan yang nyata, ataukah hanya kesemuan semata?

Selamat Jalan Ramadhan ...
Sebentar lagi Ramadhan akan meninggalkan kita ...
Ibnu Rajab berkata:
Di mana kepedihan (dan kesedihan) orang-orang yang bersungguh-sungguh di siang hari Ramadhan? Di manakah duka orang-orang yang shalat pada waktu malam?
Jika demikian keadaan orang-orang yang telah mendapatkan keuntungan selama Ramadhan, bagaimanakah keadaan orang-orang yang telah merugi pada siang dan malam?
Apakah manfaat tangisan mereka yang melalaikan bulan Ramadhan ini, sementara musibah yang akan menimpanya demikian besar?
Betapa banyak nasihat telah diberikan kepada orang yang malang, namun tidak juga memberikan manfaat untuknya.
Betapa banyak ia telah diajak untuk melakukan perbaikan, namun ia tidak juga menyambutnya.
Betapa sering ia menyaksikan orang-orang yang mendekatkan diri kepada-Nya, namun ia sendiri malah semakin jauh dari-Nya.
Alangkah seringnya berlalu dihadapannya rombongan orang-orang yang menuju kepada-Nya, sedangkan dia hanya duduk berpangku tangan (malas beribadah).
Hingga setelah waktu menyempit dan kemurkaan-Nya telah membayang,
Ia pun menyesali kelalaiannya pada saat penyesalan tidak lagi bermanfaat dan kesempatan untuk memperbaiki keadaan telah menghilang.
Beliau kembali berkata pula:
Wahai bulan Ramadhan.
Berikanlah belas kasihmu, sementara air mata para pencinta mengalir dengan deras.
Hati mereka (gundah) akibat kepedihan perpisahan terbuai,
semoga detik-detik perpisahan akan memadamkan api kerinduan yang membara.
Semoga saat-saat taubat akan melengkapi kekurangan puasa yang dilakukan.
Semoga pula orang-orang yang telah ketinggalan segera menyusul dan bersama.
Semoga para tawanan dosa segera dilepaskan,
Dan semoga orang (Islam) yang telah dinyatakan masuk Neraka segera dibebaskan.

Selengkapnya di : http://rumaysho.com/amalan/selamat-jalan-ramadhan-2747
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Sunday 20 July 2014

SBMPTN

Masuk ITB.
Alhamdulillah *ngantuk
Ternyata bisa ya? Gue kira impossible.
Gue kira persaingan masuk sana mah isi nya orang genius genius semua.
Sedangkan gua? Gue kan cuman superior. Gue kira ga mungkin.

Dulu, seandainya gue ga tawarin ortu buat milih diantara 2 pilihan,
ITS Elektro pil. 1 dgn kmgknan lolos 80%, dan STEI ITB pil. 1 dgn kmgknan lolos 30-50%
Ngeliat dari hasil try out NF sih.
Eh ternyata ortu lebih milih untuk STEI ITB pilihan 1. Dan gue ngikut gan.

Dengan perasaan harap-harap cemas.
Gue tentu in di website SBMPTN.
Pilihan 1: STEI ITB
Pilihan 2 : ITS Elektro
Pilihan 3 : ITS Fisika
Soalnya gue sendiri masih inget. Waktu itu, SNMPTN, gue juga ngisi pilihan 1 dan 2 yang sama.
Dengan ga masukin opsi pilihan 3 soalnya gue masih mau coba percaya diri.
Bahwa seandainya gue ga masuk elektro lewat SNMPTN, gue bakal ngejar di SBMPTN.

Di SBMPTN, gue khawatir banget.
Waktu itu hujan turun, barokah memang.
Alhamdulillah gue udah siap" di lokasi sejak jam 6 an. Jadi waktu hujan gue udah selesai tempat tes.
Gue ingat apa yang diajarkan Pak A***. "Nak, kalau kalian sudah mau tes, jangan lupa! Sempatkan waktu untuk berwudhu terlebih dahulu. Dengan menghilangkan hadats kecil, insyaAllah itu akan bisa membantu kalian dari ketidaksucian kecil yang mungkin bisa mengganggu nanti nya."
Gue pun berwudhu, sambil kena2 air hujan sedikit.

Setelah itu, gue langsung ke lantai 3 tempat gue tes. Di sana kelas masih di kunci. Orang-orang masih pada diluar. Gue pun memilih mencari kursi buat duduk juga. Di kursi itu, ada kursi kosong, tapi di sebelahnya ada orang. Gue pilih untuk duduk kesana daripada repot" cari tempat laen. Kenalan dengan mas" yg juga ikut SBMPTN itu. Seinget gue dia orang sidoarjo, tapi lupa SMA mana. Di akhir percakapan, saling minta do'a semoga dimudahkan..

Akhirnya panitia datang dan langsung masuk ke area kelas. Aku milih untuk naruh tas dulu, trus keluar lagi k tmpat duduk tadi. Bosen.
Udah ga saat nya lagi buat belajar, rutuk gue.
Bosen jalan", gue balik ke kelas. Dan ya langsung aja deh di kelas sampe tes dimulai. Jam ditaruh di tas, semua barang yg perlu dikeluarkan, dan tentu nya mental bahwa all is well dipegang terus terngiang di kepala.
.
.
.
*bersambung
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Wednesday 2 July 2014

Stay?

Great quotes from Steve Jobs(edited):
 Stay hungry, stay foolish, STEI ITB



*Do'a kan kita ketemu di Bandung yaa siapa pun yg mau masuk STEI ITB :))

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Monday 16 June 2014

Dewi is Much Better than Bidadari in This Real World

Source:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-ll0_DUseo
Lirik Lagu Yovie and Nuno - Tergoda Bidadari


Kamu selalu
Tak hentinya menggoda diriku
Senyummu, matamu
Seolah mengajak pergi jauh

Oleo oleo
Kata ibuku harus setia
Kau memang secantik bidadari,
Namun ku telah terikat sang dewi

Jujur aku
Bisa goyah bila terus bertemu
Ku ingkari, ku hindari
Namun hatiku terus merindu

Oleo oleo
Lelaki itu harus setia
Meski kau secantik bidadari
Kekasihku seindah sang dewi

Bibirmu yang indah merekah merah
Membawaku terbang ke alam sadar

Oleo oleo
Kata ibuku harus setia
Kau memang secantik bidadari,
Namun ku telah terikat sang dewi

Oleo oleo
Lelaki itu harus setia
Meski kau secantik bidadari
Kekasihku seindah sang dewi

Oleo oleo
Kata ibuku harus setia
Kau memang secantik bidadari,
Namun ku telah terikat sang dewi
Namun ku telah terikat sang dewi
Kekasihku seindah sang dewi

Harap mengscroll supaya tulisan nya keliatan yaw :)) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Untuk aku, lagu ini berarti bahwa P yang begitu indah nya seperti bidadari di surga yang bisa memenuhi semua imajinasi seorang pria masih kalah jauh dari keindahan seorang wanita di dunia ini yang tidak cantik secara sepenuhnya, masih memiliki kekurangan, tetapi tetap saja seperti seorang dewi yang diciptakan oleh Allah. Bahwasanya keindahan dengan cacat tetapi nyata itu masih lebih baik dari berandai-andai tentang sesuatu yang sempurna keindahan nya tetapi tidak nyata. Walaupun terkadang aku masih suka untuk memilih bidadari daripada seorang dewi, ke depan nya InsyaAllah aku akan mencoba lebih menghargai dewi-dewi bintang yang ada di sekitarku..
#motivationtogiveupP
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Wednesday 23 April 2014

Starlight: Bahaya Pergaulan Bebas: Survey: Separuh Mahasiswa ...







Starlight: Bahaya Pergaulan Bebas: Survey: Separuh Mahasiswa ...: Baru-baru ini survey memprihatinkan dirilis oleh Buklet Cinta Mulia yang menyebutkan kalau separuh mahasiswa Bandung telah melakuk...



Hati-hati buat yang mau kuliah di Bandung :'(( *Saya juga ding ._.v Bismillah semoga dijaga semua temen2 saya yang berniat berangkat ke Bandung(ITB dan Unpad). Amiin.
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Tuesday 15 April 2014

Another Lost.

Tomorrow's already the Day huh?
Indonesia Grand Chase's Service Closure. At first I thought it was only a kind of Grand Chase's services which is going to be closed. But then, it wasn't. The Grand Chase Game itself is the one which's going to be stopped from its' rotation..
But well, let's just make it as a motivation to me. After everything I have are lost, this's the time to make a really new start and focus on my next goal. SBMPTN which'll be held 2 months from now. Wish me luck!
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Saturday 22 March 2014

Change

"The secret of change, what was that again?" Loki recalled as he cycled on his way home.
"Um.. To focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new?". "Yeah, that's it." He ensured.

Lately, Loki has been trying to carry on his life to a better place. But there's something that he thought is lacking. Often, he's too rushing. Too spontaneous. Maybe that was what had caused his life's still in some way, miserable.

Although he had listed all the things he wanted to do for the upcoming holiday, he hasn't made any priorities, plan, outline. Yup, not PLAN, not even PRIORITY.

He's just somehow, unwilling to make a good plan. Okay, now what was it means to be a good plan?
"A business plan will be hard to implement unless it is simple, specific, realistic and complete. Even if it is all these things, a good plan will need someone to follow up and check on it." - Tim Berry, Hurdle: The book on business planning
 The plan he has made is simple, kind of realistic, not too specific, and the most concerning part is, incomplete.

"Mm hum, maybe that's it?" --- Well, let's give it a try!
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Friday 7 March 2014

Stories.. ?

Hello, world..
Long time no see, worldie ~
So, I'm gonna tell you some stories.

First thing first, I fight for my dreams. I fight hard.
But just like now, 11:32 PM, 1 hour ago I just got back to my home.
And here I am, killing myself, my scores.
And the next day I'll be slacking off because I need more sleep.
I d i s l i k e SLEEP!

I wanted to keep this eye open.
I wanted to remember about..*whisper.
I wanted to study Arabics language.
I wanted to get my Qur'an recitation back, all of them.
I wanted to paint my bicycles :<
I wanted to write a story about my consequent dreams about *whisper
I wanted to know how come Mr. Z. can talk about the one I liked once I was in my junior high.
I wanted to run in the rain.
I wanted to be not alive, I lost meanings.
I love you, myself. Don't die on me, 'kay? : )

I wanted to discover who my future wife will be.
I wanted to drive a Ninja and the families of motorcycle.
I wanted to take on Kendo practice with Chan".
I wanted to get my abstract drawings done.
I wanted to go to school early in the morning.
I wanted to go to the mountains.
I wanted to take on as many try out as possible.
I wanted to study Islam from a wise Syeikh or Ustadz.
I wanted to make my life more directed.
I wanted to talk with *whisper
Coz I'm fragile, I'm vulnerable, and all the more so I want to make some things certain.

I don't want to sleep. But I HAVE TO!


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Thursday 20 February 2014

Withdrawal Symptoms



I've been on NoFap streak for about, well since January 2nd, maybe? Which means this's the longest I've gone, that's 28+20=48 days. And you know, I feel bad.

I feel that no body cares about me except myself. Ha, ha.

"Iyo Haw, awakmu iku situk ae, nek akeh2 gak kuat dunyo iki."
Talk sh*t.

I no longer able to cry anymore. It's like my heart has been frozen by the raindrops that's being pour to me endlessly as I run through the rain.

I feel strong, and on the same time, emotionless. I feel numb. I can think, but I cannot feel.
My heart has lost its sensitivity.

Loneliness just hit me pretty hard. Good Luck, Haw!
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