Overextended

How much can you suffer?

       Not too long ago, I came across this word "Overextended" in some kind of a discussion talking about the global world. The speaker were talking about Turkey and how it seems like Turkey has overextend themselves by joining in the confrontation of Syria and all (see here: link) while as we can see, their internal was quite chaotic. There're bombings there and there. At the same time, they weren't actually that strong economically, they're still depending their oil&gas to other country. In other words, they still need a long way to go to have the power to care for themselves.

       The speaker's other way to paraphrase this overextend is that Turkey has chosen too much enemies for themselves. They fought in Syria, while they still need to fight with the rebels inside, building economics power, and all. They collapsed a li'l bit because there are things that they want to, while they still got a lot of homeworks left. That's why they collapsed.

       If we look up at the dictionary(business dictionary), the word overextend stands for,

"Condition of having taken on financial or other commitments, beyond one's current capacity to pay or satisfy them on their due date or in prescribed manner."

Condition of having taken on financial or other commitments, beyond one's current capacity to pay or satisfy them on their due date or in the prescribed manner.

Read more: http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/overextended.html

       These words, what do you think? Should be familiar for some of us, right? Conditions where there were no one else left who wants, who -- people think -- is capable of doing the job. So, who do they choose? Us.

Isn't it funny?

       Yeah, it felt like the world is telling a joke to us, "hey, you there, take this position, yea?". As if we're able to take more jobs, tasks to do. But it was the world who asks us, and we can't refuse because it has beautifully manipulated the situation so that there're no one else left to do the job but us.

       Then, what happens? Bombings inside ourselves. Clash of responsibilites. Or maybe in Turkeyan context, they lost their power because of internal chaos. Don't you feel familiar? Well, I think this's happening everywhere around and inside me. We spread the messages in qoraan, we take strategic position in order to implement the messages there. But, and it's a very big but,we forget about where we start. We leave our homebase. We left the place that has given us religious support, place that will keep us safe whenever we're in danger.

       Ah, about that, whatever lha yea. That's happening everywhere so I think someone as small as me won't be able to do a thing. Or maybe, I am too, has made someone else experiences the same condition I'm in right now, overextended.

       Lately, I've been thinking. With these many tasks, responbilities, and duties. From the external world and from ourselves, things like self-development program that we actually really needed. At these times, the question that arises is,
 
How far can you go, Haw? 

       How much things can you give, can you sacrifice from yourself, in order to fulfill all those things you wanted to do, you wanted to accomplish. Will you still be able to keep things which is basic, fundamental, in being a Moslem?

       Things as simple as contacting our parents, keeping our attention to our friends who's talking with us instead of seeing all the incoming messages, giving gifts to our neighbor, asking abour our friends, helping people who's in needs, answering Salaam with smile. Everything that makes life more beautiful instead of dutiful.

What will you sacrifice?

In answering those question, sometimes I choose to.. sleep :(( (pusing)


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P.S.: My point in this post was self-care(?). When you're too busy dealing with external expectations, often times the things that you needed the most, things like attention and the question, "how are you?", are not present. Meanwhile in an overextended condition that's what we actually needs, right? A caring friend. So, instead of asking for a friend to care for us, maybe we should try to care for our own needs first, especially, the needs to sleep.
 

Sometimes, what we need after His Rahmah, supports from those around us.

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Tentang TBT

Di tengah segala musim ujian, dan ujian di dalam diri sendiri.
In the middle of all the chaos. Bisa jalan.
Luar biasa. Lotsa thanks to semua yang udah bantu.q

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Kenapa Aku Menangis?

Kenapa aku menangis?

Entah udah berapa kali aku bikin postingan yang ada kaitannya sama menangis. Kalau
pemicunya, macem-macem. Meski sebenarnya, satu penyebab yang paling kuat. Saat mikir
tentang mati. Saat mikir bahwa ini semua akan berakhir.

Kenapa ya?

Kayaknya somehow hati ini masih merasakan kesedihan jika musti berpisah dengan segala wujud pengalaman yang dia punya selama ini.

Kenapa aku menangis?

Terakhir kali aku menangis, aku menangis di sebuah jalanan sepi. Aku menangis sesenggukan, tanpa perlu takut akan ada orang yang melihatku menangis. Tidak. Di tempat itu tidak akan ada orang yang mungkin mengenaliku. Tangisan menyesali masa lalu. Menyesali masa sekarang. Menyesali pemberian Tuhan yang tidak bisa kumanfaatkan. Apa artinya?

Kenapa aku menangis?

Aku ingat bahwa ada kejadian di hari akhir nanti, dimana seorang yang paling menderita di dunia
dicelupkan ke surga.. hilanglah semua penderitaannya. Sebaliknya, ada orang yang paling
bahagia dan senang pula di dunia, dicelupkan satu kali saja, satu kali, ke dalam neraka. Dan ia
menjelma menjadi seseorang yang paling menderita. Hilang, lenyap semua kesenangannya.
Aku khawatir bahwa semua kesenangan, semua rasa lega yang kurasakan semasa di dunia
saat bermaksiat. Semua hilang diganti kesakitan mendalam.

Kenapa aku menangis?

Sakit. Sakit saat aku terdorong jatuh oleh setan, lalu terror of memories itu menghantam saat aku balik lagi ke ground zero. Ke dalam imaji akan sebuah lingkaran pagar kecil dimana di dalamnya terdapat seorang anak kecil yang duduk sambil melingkarkan tangannya ke kakinya. Menoleh ke kanan dan ke kiri, lalu karena tak melihat ada siapa-siapa, memilih menundukkan kepalanya ke bawah. Sesenggukan.

Dan aku yang dewasa melihatnya dari luar pagar. Berharap bisa menepuk punggungnya, menenangkannya. Tapi.. itu tidak mungkin. Karena aku lah yang telah membuatnya kecewa. Yang membuatnya merasa sendiri. Merasa tidak dipedulikan oleh orang. Aku yang mengecewakannya.

Apa aku pantas untuk menenangkannya?

Kenapa aku menangis?

Karena aku lemah. Aku bukan orang yang bisa berdiri tegar saat aku dilempar jatuh ke dalam jurang yang dalamnya aku pun tak tahu. Aku juga bukan orang yang biasa bercerita kepada orang lain karena masalah yang kumliki. Biasanya, banyak hal kupendam. Kuproses sendiri terlebih dahulu. Tapi, mungkin processor-ku yang cepat panas yak. Kipas angin(notes: analogikan dengan laptop) ku yang sudah tidak lagi bisa jalan dengan baik. Ya gimana lagi. Di saat semua hal di atas terjadi. Di saat aku bingung. Merasa tak mampu lagi untuk tetap berjalan dan mempertahankan idealisme.

Aku terduduk. Tergugu. Menangis.

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