Selamat datang di blog seorang pribadi pembelajar :) Namaku Hawari, namamu siapa?

Thursday 19 December 2013

Luv The Rain

Standing in the rain makes me realize how cold life really is.
How I know that what I'm going through is real.
When I know I'm not in my comfort zone.
I'm pushing myself to feel the rain pour down through me.

It's such a great realization.
It's such a huge blow to me.
That life is cold. It has never been warm.
All the warmth served was just illusion.
Life is harsh, Haw. Life is rough.
And you've to got through all that!

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Saturday 7 December 2013

Blind? Fight on!

Cool Blind people. Let's just say it sucks having to live meaningless life because of having a misused eye..

Ray Charles


Born poor and black during the depression, things already weren't going Ray's way. In his own words: "Even compared to the other blacks...we were on the bottom of the ladder looking up at everyone else. Nothing below us except the ground." Despite a life that was already sounding like the worst parts of a racist Disney movie, Ray still described himself as a happy kid. However fate, clearly not being enough of a dick yet, had his younger brother drown in a bathtub right in front of him. Horrified at having to witness this, his eyes just gave up and started to stop working. Rather than get all teary about this like a regular dude he just got right up and learned himself some piano. Which as you may already know, works out quite well for him. Just in case you don't, he became one of the greatest musicians of his time, called a genius by Frank Sinatra. His popularity even helped bring black music of the time into the mainstream.
(picture of wiggers captioned: which lead to this)
Like most cool people he also had a drug problem and has said that he "enjoys getting behind the wheel," which is both most the awesome and most incredibly scary combination ever. I live in fear of the day that I pull up to a red light and glance at the car stopped next to me, only to see a blind man look at me from the driver seat, drugged up to his useless eyeballs and daring me to race him.

 Esref Armagn

Esref Armagn was born in Turkey in 1953 both blind and poor, so he wasn't exactly off to a running start. But as his young friends were just beginning their exciting careers as street urchins and pickpockets, he was hard at work teaching himself to write and paint. Did I mention he had no formal schooling to help him do this, and also that he's freaking blind? Yet despite all this he taught himself how to paint with full colour and perspective. Remember that guy you knew in college who was studying art? He sold a painting or two (which you thought looked like it was done by a retarded child with no hands but you just 'didn't get it') and was totally going to make it big just as soon as his website took off? When you see him at your next reunion, starting to lose his hair and still teaching high school art class, feel free to tell him about the blind guy who has had twenty art shows in cities all over the world. Ask him how his art career is going, sell any paintings lately?

 Yoo Ye Eun(Specially written by me)

She was born on 2003. Adopted when she was just 1 month as a baby. She was first well know on her first performance in a talent show whose competitors are mostly teenager to adult people. Thus she came and made the best record ever in the show's history. 95. While her competitor back then only scored 71. She was one gift that Allah sent to this world. She can play a music only after hearing it once without missing a tut. She doesn't complaint. The song she first sing whilst playing the piano was "You were born to be loved". (http://touchinglives2.wordpress.com/2012/06/07/test-4/)

Note: I'm motivated to learn about signal languange(inggris mekso)-bahasa isyarat..

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Sunday 24 November 2013

Vocabulary Improving - and Not by Improvisation

Why and Way to Improve Our Vocabulary.
Why?
Because great person has great range of vocabulary. Every words has its own context. And the more vocabulary we know, the better can we explain our thought.
Way?
1.Be Aware of Words
- Be aware especially with words whom you're familiar with but still don't know what its real meaning is.
- Don't only read, try to look for words of interest to us for further study whenever and wherever we may meet them. Even though it may slow down our reading progress, but it eventually will make us better in understanding the whole story.

2.Read
Because the applicable place for our vocabulary is mostly in reading. Read things that we're interested with, and read, don't just look. Read as often as possible and also always keep in mind the idea of learning new words.

3.Use a Dictionary
-Have our own dictionary. A small one is alright.
-Circle the words we look up. Whenever we open our dictionary, of course our eye will naturally move to the circled words. This can give some kind of a review for us.
-Read the entire entry for word you look up. Some words have many meanings, especially, context. Don't just look at the first word given by our dictionary, read the whole part.

4. Once I Actually Didn't Know The Meaning of This Word!
Keep on reviewing. Give a spare amount of special time for vocabulary learning. It can be reviewing, or learning new ones. Keep on doing it and be systematic about studying so we can be sure that we really do progress. We can use Index card in which each word is placed in one card. And we'll soon see that our vocabulary cards grow thicker and thicker :))

Source: http://www.jocrf.org/resources/EffectiveWays.html
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Saturday 23 November 2013

A True Fight

It wouldn't be a fight if it were easy.
And fighting against myself, my very desire. Not only that, but also all the stereotypes that most women put on men.
I have to fight against all those. It makes myself shiver.
Is there anyone out there who still support me?
I know, it musn't be a girlfriend or so close-friend, or else.
I need a shoulder to lean on. Because it's just heavy. Not too heavy, at least.

I told my friend about this fight of mine, and know the way I was responded?
No need to discuss about that. It's just my second experience, and they got me wrong.
And then it seems like nothing has happened.
I still have to carry all the loads in this world. Because we of the few selected man are not a majority.

I just want to tell my friends how heavy it is.
I think I'm just going to try again telling them how harsh this fight is.
How soothing it was to have a friend on my side who support me.
Like this, just as I reflect on the time when I tried to sink my head on the water tube.
And come out 'graaah'. I still need to live. I can't end my life like this.

I need someone that'll understand me.
But before that, I think it's best to wait for Allah's decision.
This'll be time for me to recover from that trauma.
Yo, Haw! Semangat x)))
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Monday 28 October 2013

-- Me and All the Woman Around Me --

Well, I'm The Moon. I sometimes shine brightly. And some other time, I don't.My life is the vastness of the night. And my shine is the reflection of the sun. And my sun is my inspiration.
At some moments of my life. When I give a clear, bright, and sheeny light. That even I am proud of myself.
And there's also some moments of my life. When I was lost sight, disappearing, not owning any more light.

And I look at the stars around me. They're all looked so shiny too. I was told that they shine by themselves.
How cool.
I was told that I need to focus on my sun. The things that I loved, and liked to do.
But still, I often looked at the stars. They looked so interesting. So amusing.
The star's activities, how they create their own shine. Very cool, right? I think so.
Their shine looked flawless, their heat are so warming me, and their positioning themselves are just perfect.
Why is it that they're so amazing?

Some times, I do wonder.
How'd it feel if I were to be near them? If I were to be reflecting their light.
Am I going to be like them? Strong, sheeny, and just so cool yet able to warm this petrified soil.
Is things gonna be alright? Will my light shine for'eva?
But my cores forbid me to. They prohibited me to have a new source of rays.
My cores disclosed me the facts that I'm not ready for that yet.

But I want to. Crack, crack. Some faults arise in my body.
I really want to.
No, my cores said. You need to wait some more. To be more patient.
Learn to control this magma seething inside you.
Look at that strong gravity you had when you meet them.
Look at all your faults, your acute ravines in your body.
Look at this, your very own core, which is still lacking repair.

Are you ready yet?

And so I was only allowed to try to reflect some of the stars' light, and only watching them from afar.
Only able to be amazed by them. To help them by my flaws. And wait. Yeah, wait.
For this moon to grow, and soon be a star, just like all of them.
I'm waiting for the time I become 'That solely shining star'.
And soon finding my moon, or to meet with another beautiful star.
And strengthen our gravity bond. And become a magnificent pair of star.

This is all.

A picture for you guys :)
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Monday 5 August 2013

'Illusory World'


I l l u s o r y  W o r l d . . ?


     "It is a world where everyone lost themselves. Let loose of themselves.
      It is a world where the tired goes off to. Where they can feed themselves with their needs.
      A world where everything seems alright. Where forgetting about others feels just okay.
      A world of dreams. Whatever dream it is. Whether it is a world where we pleasure ourselves. 
     Or a world full of self-pity." - Thinker Me


They're indeed a part of real world. They're worlds where many people live in and want to live in. This world is where a comfort is offered completely. You can choose to crush yourself, where you can explore your self-loathing self freely. Or you can choose to look for fake happiness, outer happiness often mistook as real happiness.

But those all are just illusory worlds. They're there for moments. And they lasted moments afterward. Just at the moment when we see our real world the way it is. After we come back alive again.

"Can't human actually just fight the world the way the reality is? 
Without having to run to that illusory world anymore?
Is it really a must to have that dreams achieved momentarily?"
False-achievement in world.

Illusory world is a world of addicts. Where the addicted feed their addiction. Of everything.
"And what did we get by feeding this addiction?"
We just get deeper into the cycle of addiction. The more we feed our addiction, the deeper we get into it.

"Can't human actually live without addiction?"
That's the thing that I don't really know. Someone else said that in life, there're two contrary things: Addiction vs Compassion. But that's for next time :)

I'm writing for myself ;)
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Monday 8 July 2013

Good Job, Loki!

Mission Accomplished! Teehee :)
Naw", have to go to school right away ><
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Wednesday 3 April 2013

Lost

Because of that, came these moments.
The moment I started hating my self.
The moment I stopped to love my self.
The moment I gave up enjoying life.
The moment I quit looking forward for tomorrow.
The moment I began to walk in the despair world.
The moment I was introduced with the feels of agony.
The moment I wanted to give up living.
The moment I was willing to give up living. 
The moment I lost my self.


When will these moments be over? I wonder.
Allah, give me something. Give me someone. Give me the best. I want to live but I just can't. I shouldn't. But, yeah. I want these to be over. But how?
I want to live, but I shouldn't have. What should I do?
Ini bukan galau masalah biasa, ini galau masalah hidup mati, masalah nggak mau ngelanjutin hidup tapi tau bahwa bukan sekarang saatnya untuk mati. Ini bukan galau. Ini pemikiran serius. Yang udah berlangsung lama dan bukan perihal main-main. Sayangnya, hidup jalan terus. Aku takut sama masa depan nanti, waktu waktu yang bakal aku laluin. Aku takut. Jangan, ya Allah, jangan.

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Monday 11 March 2013

Grand Chase: Dream Couple



Couple system, released on around 1.5 years ago(can't remember it clearly)

                                                             
       After you've seen the words, you might think that I must be experienced with it or often meet with people like these and all. But in actuality, it isn't. It's reciprocal with those thoughts *--". I had never been on any relationships in Grand Chase. Couple nor Guild, I had never participated in any of them. Dunno why. But this time, I'm going to tell you about the couple things.
       It's not like I didn't intend to have any special relationship in online games, I did. It's just that they're too-what's it-short, maybe. They're way too fragile. Once one confessed to another. What's needed to stop that relationship? Just stop play. And it's all over. There's no really-what's it again--"-relation. They can just abandon the other easily. That's why I don't like it. Well, and also... I have some(maybe) quite high standard for being my couple, GuardianLoki's couple. But, what's it that I want?
Mari again, in Bluebell Gacha(not released yet in Indo).
       My dream girl itself is a strong girl. Since for almost all online games I was born for the fighting scenarios, PvP. I like to fight. And my dream couple is, of course, a fighter too. First, she definitely has to be able to take care of herself well. Since I can't always be by her side not only when we're on a fight together but also when we aren't on it. I will definitely, what's it, adore her so much. If she does able. That's super cool, girl. And even cooler, after she can taken care of herself well, she also can do duet well with me. We can synchronize(?!?). Don't be so annoyed, I've told ya, right? This's just dream girl, man. Deal with it. We play not to overcome others, but to protect each other. She can protect herself, and on the same time she can protect my back as well. We're just like one character with weapon on left and the right side. We're just like a fortress that will never be able to break through. We're just going to be as deadly and thirst for blood as ever. We're the best combination, and we're the dream couple. :D
       Well, too good to be true, right? But somehow I think that's the dream girl of every PvP-er. Or just me? And well, because of these qualification for girl of mine. In the lower part of my statistics of characters there's no yellow text(place for couple's name) that ever adorned it. Just to tell ya, the couple system went out at around 1.5 years ago and, well, that's my story. Thanks --"






   Well well, aren't these 2 something?
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Sunday 24 February 2013

Kenapa harus gini? ... I just want to share. And that's how you reacted. I'm fine already with you being chosen. Aku ikhlas. Now, I wanna know whether that really is the best choice for you. I'm not hurt because of you becoming it. I was hurt because you didn't told me. Sounds foolish, right? You said that your score might go bad if you joined any other one. Are you sure you can keep learning while becoming it? I don't know. That's why I asked. And you keep silent. Gosh, why is this so wrong? ..
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Saturday 23 February 2013

Inspiring. (?) xD

Again, have you?

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming - Finding Nemo

Keep trying!

                                                                               Fighting! :)

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Friday 15 February 2013

New Feelings: Lonely

                                                                              Lonely.



Now, finally, in this life of mine. I know how it was. Finally.
I've got this something-is-missing feeling since, well, maybe around one week ago.
I've ever told you, right? I don't exactly know what I want. I just want someone to be there. Fill the gap within my heart.
Someone. Or anyone. Isn't it scary? Feels like anyone shall fill my heart. Meanwhile if I my heart is filled with the wrong person, then my life may be ruined.
It feels like I have something to say to someone, but there's no one that's going to hear and understand it well. And the someone herself. In the end, I can do is just to soothe myself by thinking positively about it. But, in the end, nobody hears me out.
I'm not really surprised with how lonely works, but I just knew that it can be pretty torturing. And when I saw my friends go home right away. One by one, they left me. Just now I knew. How it really felt.
Knowing that the only one who's going to cheer you up is only you yourself. That's all.

Wish you guys good nights :). Semangat H2O2 ~
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Tuesday 15 January 2013

Continuation

Sadness Vs Happiness
Think about it yourself

        It's not that I don't look for happiness. It's just.. Life should be balanced. I just have too many things to laugh at. That I've nothing to cry at. And now, this problem that I've carried ever since I was a child started to haunt me. I was thinking that it's good. I have laughed a lot. And now, it's payback for all my happiness. Sorrow. We shouldn't be all happy. And we shouldn't be all sad. It's balanced. If only I was able to get through it. :'<. Wish for me. :'). Sorry, it isn't that your words were useless or unheard, Freya. It's your efforts that counts. Thanks :D. Really.
       Well, next. I was thinking that if I really do care about her, then I should be able to get over this. Aku suka kata" itu. 'Bisa berdiri dengan lega di samping mu.' But, when? I don't know. I deeply hope that I can get this over. But to be honest, it's really hard. I've told her, too. It's like fighting against someone who has complete control over ourselves. Crazy. .. Thinking about this thing really succeed making me became: 'Hahahaha ... hmm...(deeply in sadness).' Yeah, like that. Very contrast just in a matter of seconds. And I was thinking. Can you wait for me? .---.


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Thursday 3 January 2013

Grand Chase: Life Story~

Grand Chase

       Maybe I should write something about this part of my life too, shouldn't I?
       Well, this game is just a 2D game in which we raise the level of a character. And then, using this character whom level has been raised, we unlock other characters which was able to be unlocked through, usually, quest. And after we've raised the level of our characters high enough. There're plenty of things to do, though. Just go to dungeon to fight the monsters solo, or maybe with 2 or 3 friends to beat that dungeon. The rules in the dungeon is simple-well, if it's the simple original dungeon. We just have to defeat the monsters in a certain area, and after defeating those monsters, we go to the portals to be teleported to the next stage. We've to wait for the other player to come in to the portal too, though. Like that, until we go to the late area. In these area there's usually some special thing. Like we've to go through, well, cliff-in 2D shape- where if we fall then we'll lose one of our lives-oh yeah, there're three lives for every player on the dungeon. And also, in contrary to the low-level-dungeon, the high-level-dungeon usually have one or two special monster/s called mini-boss which was harder to fight than the common monsters. And of coourse, in the last area, there's this one monster called Boss. Boss's health bar are shown way larger on the monitor then the usual, well, usually so does their size.

This's the boss's health bars (it can gets to 40x, you know? =-=) 

       Well, that's the end story tale of the dungeon :D. Overall, these dungeon is just used for one sole purpose(From my perspective, though). That is fooooor, "Looking for Good Armors and Equipments!". Hell yeah, that's it. For what are those? Definitely, PvP. And so, let's get to the PvP part.

       PvP, or the short of Player-versus-Player stands for an event where a player fight against another player. Doesn't have to be through physical contact, but can be through many other way such as competing to destroy a box in the time meaning. But, the one I used to play was the one with physical contact. /+_+/ *slurp. They're best, really. So, there's two main type in Grand Chase PvP. First is the Team mode, where it can be played through 1v1,2v2,3v3 player. They tagged and try to make the enemies's lives from 3 to 0. And the other one is the survival mode. In this gaaame *spirited* we have to be the last person standing in order to be the WINNER!! Well, as usual, there's 6 slots of player. And in this mode, all the player who set ready at the first of the game will become enemy with every other player when the game has been played. And it's the same rule, we've 3 lives. Well, okay, that's the introduction. Let's get on to the next part: Greetings.

       'Hi, Name's Loki. What's yours?' 'Hmm? Freya? It's nice to meet you :)'
       Hha :D, that's my favourite fictional dialogue ever since I around.. mm, maybe 3 years ago. Doesn't really have any meanings, though. Just my deep dream(?) of meeting with Freya, my Freya. Meh, enough with the geje talks =-=.

GCID : GuardianLoki
Job played : Ryan, Sieghart, Mari

Guild : None (Well, never)
Couple : None (Never)

        Well, my nickname is GuardianLoki. Actually I want it to be GuardianOfLoki, but it seems it was too long and the game just couldn't bear with +1 alphabet-__-". I chose this name because I don't think I was tantamount with Loki at that time. So I chose to be his guardian.. And I've played Grand Chase, ever since it was still such a young boy. The game, I mean. I've played it since Open Beta on around June of 2010. (Launching-Closed Beta-Open Beta-Normal Season). Well, if you wanna know what Open Beta is, I'll tell you. Open Beta is used for, say, a test-run for the game for every players who wants to try it. And through this Open Beta, the game is fixed by the finding of bugs by player, or by the Game Server themselves.
       Okay", enough. And say, I played the game from that time, until now. I did break, sometimes, but I keep play the games after those breaks. Back then, the game was so much fun :D. Everyone supports each other in order for them to level up. Whenever we need help, there's always one. Not now, though =-=. Everybody just think of themselves(maybe me, too). And just like a mature society, people on the game are also becoming like that. There's good, and there's bad. There's people who do pensi(stopped play the game) and newbies who want to try the vastness of this fragile(? Nope, it's not fragile, it has strength), well, big world. Well, yeah, just like the real world. There's this one thing called, 'regeneration'. And there are guilds out there to train them, yeah, 'Pengkaderan'. Of course it's almost the same as the real world. All of the player's are humans, afterall =-=.
       And next, the place where my inner maturity grows. The place where I look for myself: PvP.

       Say, now, my win is around 5040 and my lose is 2020. In count, my win rate was at 71.4%. Analyzing the facts: It means I've played for some 7060 games. Which must have means I've faced thousands of different people. I've won for around 5 thousands of games. And have been beaten for around 2 thousands of games. Those all are for around 2 years.



        Going through those all. I've learned many things. About others, about myself, about winning, about losing, about being disliked by someone, being liked by someone(?), go through mouth debate over the game, hating something because of the unability to accept lose, and so on. But, then, my win rate is 71%. Where there's winners, there will always be losers to make it balance. And here in this game, I was considered as 'the winners'. In facts, I do still loses many games. Because of one thing. Another thing that I learned from it. 'The truth is that, the winner comes from those who adapts best, and not those who win early'. It's real, though. When I do 1-1 fight. We adapts our own style so that we can best beat each other. And the real winner doesn't always be the one who won at first. He might had won at first, but as the next games come. He might not be able to become the winner anymore. It is the one who can best adapt his style with his enemy's style that will do the streak win-that's when one player's style truly dominates the other's style- and comes out as the real winner. Mm, maybe that's all that I want to write for today. So much already =-=. Oyasuminasai~ *ketularan

         PPHEEEWWW, finally it's over--". 23:01 already.. Well, take care there :). See ya everyone~

                                                                        \\ Beautiful \\

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