Selamat datang di blog seorang pribadi pembelajar :) Namaku Hawari, namamu siapa?

Thursday 27 December 2012

Best Canon Ever?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXC9tuumjiA
Beautiful. Wish I can play it too :'< *deadly envy. Kapaaan yaa, keren banget, hiks..
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Friday 21 December 2012

Tolong. Ya Allah.

Apa ya? To be honest, I'm not feeling really down. Maybe I'll just write some thing that happened in the previous Parerela's Diklat. Many things happened there. But my main topic here is the wave of sadness that I felt when I'm back from there, Cilaket. We're going back to Surabaya using-as usual- TNI truck. There're two trucks, and they're used for both the committee and the participants. Well, at first I was offered to accompany the juniors in their truck. But, then, I replied not. My reason(read: alibi) was because isn't it more appropriate if the one accompanying them were the main committee? ;p. While actually what I thought was, well, I didn't see Freya there~ Nope, not gonna ride that truck :p~.
Enough with the happy part. Let's get to the main part. When I first step onto the truck I chose to sat at the back of the truck. It was because there'd be more windy there. Well, the truck went by to Surabaya. I remembered that I imagined heading 1-1 versus a big-shielded guy, and I'm wearing a double sword. I was closing my eyes. And yet, my friends are sprouting nonsense about physics =-=. Just what's with him? And when I'm over practicing my imagination, I open my eyes and saw that some of the occupants of the truck were passed(sleep, I mean). And everyone started saying soo many things regarding my position as a 2nd Head of SKI where there's the Head of the akhwat's SKI. Man, man, man, another nonsense -_-. What's with that one guy. Seems like he's got some contagious disease from the Head of the BiGos SS.. And soon, everybody slept. And so the pitiful contagied guy. It was so quiet when suddenly one of my friend that was still  woke up, Reno, asked me why I tried to stand inside of the truck. He asked me one question that's very precise to what's in my mind. 'Ngapain haw? Bosen hidup ta?'. Instantly, I replied: 'Yo.'. But he doesn't seem really paid much attention to my answer. Meanwhile me, right after that. Stopped trying to stand. Instead, I thought deeply of his question. I put my shirt all around my head and so I brood over it. It was one really easy question with a really hard answer. I'm really really bored with my life. That whenever I thought about it somehow my eyes are always glistening. Aku bener-bener muak sama hidupku yang hidup cuma untuk ngelakuin sebuah dosa dan terus dan terus dan terus dan terus dan terus dan terus AKU LAKUIN!. Aku bener-bener udah muak. At that time, I cried in silence. How wouldn't I cried. The girl that have always been in my mind was right over there. And I seriously didn't deserve her. I haven't fulfilled the promise that I had made to myself from time to time. I'm not supposed to talk to her. I'm not supposed to be in her life (Do I?). I'm not supposed to be with her. I didn't think I was worth her with these burden I had on my back. Aku pas itu mikir bahwa aku lho sampe udah muak ngerasa muak karena aku berfikir bahwa percuma aku berfikir kayak gini sekarang karena pada akhirnya aku akan muak lagi gara" aku ngelakuin itu lagi dan pada akhirnya aku cuman akan ada pada endless loop kemuakan akan diri ku sendiri. Terus aku mau jadi SIAPA? Aku mau jadi APA? Aku udah muak muak akan diriku sendiri yang bener" muak akan diriku sendiri. In the end, I just prayed to Allah, in tears, while sobbing, that I'm not going to end up in that loop. Aku nggak mau ke sana ya Allah. Aku mau bisa ngelewatin ini dan bisa berdiri dengan lega di samping Freya. Aku bener-bener berharap Engkau mau mengabulkan harapanku ini ya Allah. Masa depanku. Tolong aku.
Jaga dia ya Allah :'). (In the end, I'm pretty down, huh? So be it. *sigh).
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Saturday 8 December 2012

Same, Different Regret.


And I was hoping that someone would be there to cheer for her. To make sure she was studying. To have enough fun with her when she needed refreshment and tell her to get back to studying when it's over. To tell her what might be out on the next exam. To remind her that she still should taken good care of her health. To make sure that her mood remain constant so that she could still focused when studying. To really look after her. To make sure that she was still going to do her best and kept her thinking positive about the exam. To encourage her that she was going to be able to go to ITB, Todai! To make sure that she was not lost on her struggle with herself. To make sure she got the best.
       And this is what happened. Sorry. For not being there for you. For not asking others to take care of you. My fault, too. To really loosen you at that time. But please, stay positive, don't be like me. I would really hate it if you were to be in the same sorrow dimension world of mine. If that is what you had chosen, so be it. I don't want to say much. Just do your best. May Allah be with you.
You're in my prayers,

             Me



Up to you to believe it or not, guys. Best regards. Loki-Arawari.
(Just as information: Some part of me has came back, guys~ wish me the best, 'kay?)
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Wednesday 5 December 2012

Wrecked.



                                                                 Alright, --. What?
                   Well, maybe I'll just write some things that has been on my mind these past days.

                                                                                 ...
                                                             Wrecked. Everything.

Almost, though, just as hyperbole~ But my life's been really really ... Kacau.
Saking kacaunya sampe aku nggak yakin yang mana dari aku yang pantas untuk dipegang.
Still the same as before, I don't know what I should be thinking. I'm still lost. Or so I thought. I'm killing myself, my own personality. Maybe that's the price for being a better person, huh? Even I myself didn't really sure that things will work out fine. Nothing of me can be held for a grip of surity. I think that's it. I lost grip of my own self. Pemberontakan oleh diriku sendiri pada diriku sendiri. These are getting crazy. I really am unstable and undefined. And tomorrow(whut? I've predicted it? Nice one, bad guy!), I mean yesterday -- and the other day I played for long while it was still exams. This's the most 'suram'-est UAS in my life, really. The main cause wasn't the UAS itself, but my life, and the UAS succeed to make it worse -_-v. Man, don't trust 100% to anything and everything that I do and I said in these days. I'm really labile right now, yeah, the things I've been holding onto is falling apart-pinjem kata" Yuumei. And yeah, I'm killing another side of myself right now. Or trying to make second personality? I've ever thought of that. But really, the other side of me is taking control of me and I accept it. I haven't tried this way, so maybe if I try it then some things will work--while others don't -_-. I just wanna control myself and if it's the price, so be it. Tapi UAS ku terbengkalai, many things didn't work out well. I'm losing myself, I'm losing my inner happiness, I'm losing my smile, I'm losing my usual happy moment with my friends, I'm losing her, I'm losing my UAS's score. Sisi bahagia dan senang-senangku lagi dipegang sama sisi negatif, I shouldn't be like this, I shouldn't be like those. And the effect? Aku ngelakuin beberapa, oke fine, banyak, hal bodoh yang bodoh banget untuk tetep bisa survive (?). Aku beberapa kali ran away from my own life. From the title of smalane, from the words that I said to all smalane. I'm being not as positive as before right now, really. Well, you know? I'm happy I'm not a really masochist guy, if yes, I don't know how my physical condition right now's genna be. And now on my mind I was thinking of just memutar-putar badan dengan tangan terentang terus muter" dan muter" sampe nabrak tembok, ada tembok tambah dikencengin biar tambah seru, tambah 'brak' dan muter" kepalaku juga biar 'brak' juga. Nendang muter juga, yang penting kenceng, GILA>:. >>>>>;>akl;sdja;sljkd

So, don't trust 100%-ly for everything I've said up there. Just take the facts and for opinions, it's really labile. Meanwhile, you know? Actually questioning and doubting my own words leaves a really uneasy feelings on my self. But what should be done? I'm going crazy these days, kehilangan akal sehat buat bisa mikir yang mana yang akal sehat yang mana yang bukan. Otakku bilang ini, badanku ngapain? Itu...

I really am loosing her-and I mean it ._. . The feelings, : (. Where's it? God, Allah, help me.

-- Me, Loki, Hawari.
np: Going Crazy - Loki (Asal tulis)
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Friday 12 October 2012

Blog buat tugas Form Kenalan yuk? html
Kamu itu...
Co ato Ce?

Namaku yaitu


Kalau usiamu?
10-15
16-20
21-25
25-30
31-35
Kerjaanmu apa?
Pelajar(pembaca buku)
Pekerja kantoran (pegawai pasaran)
Guru (Murni mendedikasikan diri buat bibit-bibit negara)
Dokter (Orang tulus atau orang pintar pasang harga)
Pekerja pabrik (Pekerja keras)
Bukan itu semua, tapi... -->



What are your hobby?
Face to face sama komputer(Kamu seneng juga? Sama :D)
Baca buku (Duh, bakat banget jadi pelajar)
Jalan-jalan (Ke luar kota, naek gunung, ato ke mall")
Nyanyiin lagu (seneng banget lho aku ;) )
Sepedaan (lagi jaman-nya lho~)
Maen futsal/sepak bola (bareng temen lebih asek :D)
Gak ada diatas, aku punya hobi laen!

Kamu orang mana?

Ada pesan yang mau kamu kasih? Masukin aja dibawah sini,


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