Lost

Because of that, came these moments.
The moment I started hating my self.
The moment I stopped to love my self.
The moment I gave up enjoying life.
The moment I quit looking forward for tomorrow.
The moment I began to walk in the despair world.
The moment I was introduced with the feels of agony.
The moment I wanted to give up living.
The moment I was willing to give up living. 
The moment I lost my self.


When will these moments be over? I wonder.
Allah, give me something. Give me someone. Give me the best. I want to live but I just can't. I shouldn't. But, yeah. I want these to be over. But how?
I want to live, but I shouldn't have. What should I do?
Ini bukan galau masalah biasa, ini galau masalah hidup mati, masalah nggak mau ngelanjutin hidup tapi tau bahwa bukan sekarang saatnya untuk mati. Ini bukan galau. Ini pemikiran serius. Yang udah berlangsung lama dan bukan perihal main-main. Sayangnya, hidup jalan terus. Aku takut sama masa depan nanti, waktu waktu yang bakal aku laluin. Aku takut. Jangan, ya Allah, jangan.

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