Selamat datang di blog seorang pribadi pembelajar :) Namaku Hawari, namamu siapa?

Thursday 29 October 2015

Tentang Dia

Okay,
So, I think, we need to talk, Haw.
About what? 
Her.

Mm? What's it?
Recently, I just realized what's the real cause for this obession of ours. Can you guess what?
Seriously? Wow, well yeah actually that's a pretty serious matters for me. I mean, the last time I'm obsessed with a girl, it feels like I'm pretty much putting myself on a distance from her. So, you've discovered what the cause was?

Well, from that statement you made, I can clearly see what's happening. What we were doing was really putting ourselves at a distance from her. We see her as something which is fit to fill our emptiness, but we aren't really thinking about how she felt. We only see her that way, as something that fills our emptiness.
Whut what? How come that's your conclusion? I still did talk to her sometimes, y' know?
Yes, yes. We did it together, remember? How funny of you. But from this experience of ours, I think that we're only looking at her as a profile, as a figure to be always looked upon. Not as a human who might want to be friends with us. We put her at a distant range from us. We don't let ourselves get closer to her. We don't let ourselves see the human-ish side of her. We didn't see her flaws. I think that's why we're so obsessed.
So you think we actually need to get closer to her to stop being obsessed with her?
I dunno, but that's my point actually. We need to see her when she's in a good state, and when she's in a bad state. We need to understand more about her from a human perspective. A human who needs social contacts, friends, supports. We shouldn't have seen her as someone who's already complete, who doesn't need us at all. She might need us, you know? She isn't flawless. She did sometimes make mistakes, and sometimes she needs someone who understand and give her the support she needs.
You say that as if you've done that before, bro.
No, no. This's just another form of my regret for letting our last 'something' friendship turns into a desperate guy and her crush figure.
So you think that what we should've done is just forget that she's our crush, and instead we come to the sea of her life, and start swimming, and diving there? Rather than just seeing that ocean of hers from the sideroad?
Yeah, I think that's what I mean. We need to come close to her as someone who wants to help her by her side. I think that's much more gentle than just seeing from afar, you know?
But it's just that I think I'm not that useful enough for her, bro :( . I never thought that I'll be someone good enough to be by her side. I was still under that nightmare that I might hurt her later on if I were to get close to her. 

Yes, I can see what we're afraid of. But don't you think that life's just too short to let something which hasn't happened yet to overwhelm us?
Yeah, but is it okay for you to do something for other people? I mean, what'll we get from doing something for other people? For her?
Well, we'll surely get closer to her. We're gonna be able to see her right from her side, when she's taking a decision, or when she get scolded by her seniors(huehehe). I just don't like it, you know, when we like someone and then we just sit back and watch her struggling. It's enough. I want us to be real in helping her. 
So, I should try to get closer to her circle in order to support her from some other side? Instead of just being someone who's far of her reach?
Yep.
Without her knowing?
That's better.
Should we talk it out to our parents?
Yes. We need to have a more objective opinion.

Okay then, it's settled.
Yeah :)

See you, 'her'.

Haw2  
 -----------------
Karena, in the end, menurutku ini kembali kepada whether we're a gentleman or not.
Share:

The Importance of Taking Action

        Beberapa hari belakangan ini, aku belajar beberapa hal dari buku Dale Carnegie & Associates, Overcoming Worry and Stress. Salah satu ide/konsep yang aku dapatkan dan menurutku menarik, sekaligus bisa langsung diimplementasikan adalah mengenai Taking Action.

Teman yang baik untuk seorang pencemas, like me

        Dalam hidup ini, kita emang sering banget berhadapan ama kecemasan dan ketakutan akan ketidakberhasilan, kekecewaan yang mungkin akan kita hadapi, and so forth. Sebenarnya nggak cuman itu aja, Life has got so much to offer. Bahkan, aku aja pernah, habis dapet suatu keberhasilan malah jadi bingung dan gatau kenapa, cemas. Aku gak tau harus kuapain keberhasilan itu, bingung lah pokoknya. Tapi ya intinya, kecemasan itu akan sangat menguras energi kita, baik secara fisik, ataupun mental kek cem cem kepikiran terus. Apa sih yang harus dilakuin untuk bisa mengatasi, walaupun sedikit, kecemasan itu?

        Di buku ini, diajarkan suatu konsep: mengambil suatu tindakan. Tentunya, pertama analisis fakta-fakta tentang apa yang kita cemaskan tersebut, lalu kedua cari tau apakah itu kecemasan yang beralasan(mungkin terjadi atau tidak, misal dengan menanyakan opini orang lain tentang kondisi kita tsb.), ketiga semisal itu memang cukup mungkin untuk terjadi maka pikirkan situasi terburuk, lalu terakhir, cari cara untuk meminimalisasi situasi terburuk tsb.

        Nah, seringkali, kita cemas, lalu berharap dengan melakukan hal lain yang tidak berkaitan dengan kecemasan itu akan bisa membantu meringankan kecemasan. Things like playing games, watching movies, or anything. Well, this obviously won't happen. Tindakan yang membantu adalah tindakan yang meringankan terjadinya hal terburuk dari apa yang kita cemaskan. Entah itu mengurangi kemungkinan terjadinya hal terburuk tsb., atau membuat hal terburuk tersebut jadi lebih baik.

        Contoh kasus, misal kita punya penyakit yang kerap kambuh ketika kita terlalu capek. Maka, orang yang memilih tindakan pertama, tentunya akan mengurangi kesibukannya agar tidak terlalu capek, jadi kemungkinan capeknya akan semakin kecil. Sedangkan orang yang mengambil tindakan kedua, justru akan mengambil tindakan dimana yang dulunya dia kalau capek dia langsung pingsan/tepar, jadi sesuatu yang lebih ringan dari itu. Dia mencoba ke dokter untuk mencari cara mengurangi level penyakitnya itu, misal hanya jadi pusing saja, atau letih saja. Jadi, kondisi terburuknya setelah tindakan itu masih lebih baik daripada kondisi terburuk sebelum dia mengambil tindakan tsb..

        Taking actions, akan sangat membantu kita dalam mengurangi rasa cemas yang kita miliki. Mungkin setelah kita pertimbangkan, kalau kita mengurangi kesibukan kita, kita akan jarang berinteraksi dengan teman-teman kita, atau malah kita akan jadi terlalu banyak waktu luang dan justru muncul kecemasan lain karena waktu luang tsb. Di saat-saat seperti ini tentu kita akan mengalami keragu-raguan apakah tindakan ini yang sebaiknya kita ambil. Karena, sepertinya tindakan ini bukanlah pilihan yang begitu bagus. But, you know, it's okay. Just make the choice! Apakah hal buruk yang kita cemaskan tentang dampak dari tindakan kita itu akan terjadi di kemudian hari atau tidak, who cares? Yang penting adalah, kita udah mengambil sebuah keputusan, dan kita punya keyakinan bahwa tindakan kita itu memang benar akan mengurangi kecemasan kita sebelumnya.

        You know, terkadang sekelumit sugesti sudah cukup bagi seorang yang dilanda kecemasan untuk bisa mengatasi kecemasannya, apalagi bila sugesti itu muncul dari sebuah tindakan. So, just forget about what might happen from that decision of ours. Taking action is already a good decision, rather than doing nothing and keep thinking about that worries of ours, which just wastes our energy. Mungkin memang tindakan yang kita pilih bukanlah keputusan yang terbaik, but you know, everyone make mistake. So, as long as that decision of yours can help yourself, let's talk about the worries that follows for some other time :)

Okay?


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reference:
Carnegie, Dale. 2014. Overcoming Worry and Stress. Jakarta: PT Gramedia Pustaka Utama
Share: