Selamat datang di blog seorang pribadi pembelajar :) Namaku Hawari, namamu siapa?

Friday 25 September 2015

Obsesi

       Untuk kali ketiganya dalam hidup ini aku merasakan obsesi akan sesosok makhluk ciptaan Allah. Pertama, waktu SMP. Kedua, waktu SMA, dan sekarang, yang ketiga, waktu kuliah. Alhamdulillah aku sudah cukup bisa melupakan rasa mendalam dari obsesi ku yang pertama dan kedua. Rasa itu sudah dengan cukup baik ku-transform 'ubah' menjadi sebuah rasa yang biasa -- sekadar rasa suka saja --, atau menjadi sebuah rasa peduli-karena-kita-teman. Untuk yang kali ketiga ini, aku belum bisa bertindak apa-apa. Sekarang aku akan mencoba bercerita tentang obsesi ku yang ketiga ini:

       Perasaan ini sudah bukan perasaan secuil bijih jagung. Ia sudah tumbuh sekitar 2 bulan. Dengan awal mula pertemuan yang biasa-biasa saja, tetapi entah mengapa aku bisa merasa bahwa aku nyaman memilih dia sebagai 'persinggahan sementara'-ku yang ke-3. Memang begitu menenangkan hati rasanya, melihat, bahkan sekadar tahu pun, bahwa dia ada. Hanya itu saja. Memang mulanya begitu, tetapi makin lama hati ini sebenarnya semakin tersiksa. Hati ini khawatir bahwa ia akan jatuh terlalu jauh, dan lupa akan makna hidup yang sebenarnya. Dan aku serius. Obsesi ku bisa menggeser apa yang awal mulanya sudah kucanangkan dengan mudah, tanpa perlu terlalu banyak cingcong, tiba-tiba aku sudah melakukan hal-hal yang dahulu biasa kulakukan dengan obsesiku yang sebelumnya.

       Obsesiku sebenarnya bukanlah sesuatu yang muncul karena dibuat-buat. Ia adalah sebuah rasa, ingat, rasa bukan hanya sekadar penilaian apakah dia cantik atau tidak. Ia sebuah rasa yang muncul karena aku begitu tergoda untuk mencari tahu sumber dari sinar pemancar kehangatan yang kurasakan. Begitulah akhirnya aku mulai melakukan apa yang dahulu juga kulakukan di balik layar. Tentunya aku hanya setolking-setolking sedikit lha yea. Misi utamanya sebenarnya aku tu pengen tau cara pikir dia gimana sih. Dia tipe orang yang kaya apa. Itu lah, dan dalam setolking, aku lebih suka menemukan tumpukan hasil tulisan daripada menemukan sekumpulan foto milik dia ataupun tentang dia. Karena foto tidak memberikan gambaran yang jelas mengenai kepribadian dari orang yang difoto. Begitulah.

       Sampai sekarang, aku masih belum tahu bagaimana aku harus menghadapi dan menangani obsesi ini. Secara mendasar, memang ini adalah sifat yang kumiliki sedari dulu. Dan yang aku tahu adalah bila aku salah menangani rasa ini maka tentu arahnya biasanya kepada sesuatu yang tidak baik. Karena walaupun aku terobsesi akan dia tetapi aku juga tidak ingin obsesi ku ini mengganggu dirinya. Mungkin aku hanya akan menghadapinya dengan berdo'a lagi, semoga hati ini cukup kuat untuk menjaga agar kepala tetap menunduk saat bertemu dengan akhwat(kadang aku berharap aku bertemu dengan dia), mata tidak terus-menerus mencari keberadaannya dimana aku mungkin menemukannya, dan hati bisa tetap terjaga bersih istiqomah tidak mengalami pergeseran niat karena ingin bertemu dengannya. Aamiin.
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Monday 7 September 2015

Belajar untuk Mengajar

       Well, of course tonight's reason for choosing this topic won't be so far from the fact that I am now a 2nd grade undergraduate. You know what that means? It means that now I have someone that look up to me. I have someone(or maybe many) that will know my name but I don't really recall who their names were, it's just too much :( From MSTEI(Muslim STEI) '15 guys for about 30-40 something, K*ndo guys for abt 20-30 something, and maybe soon Mata' guys dunno how many. Ya Allah, see how many that is? I even forgot some of the people that I already know in the previous week, my TPB friends, and it's a kinda confusing situation.

       But you know, what I really want to talk about today is the guys in K*ndo. In K*ndo ITB, the tradition of the population for each generation is quite strange, or totally unimaginable. From my generation, there were about 40 to 50 people at the list of people who registered to K*ndo. But soon, maybe only until UTS, or about 2 months later, the number drops to half. At the end of the semester, there were only 12 people who went to the grading examination. Finally, this year there's only about 7 persons staying. It's pretty tragic. Even more tragic looking at the sempais, the '13 guys who're still left standing is maybe only 4 persons. '12 only 1, or maybe 2. '11 only 1. :"

       I don't really know why that's happening. Sure, K*ndo ITB doesn't have any regeneration system which is pretty cool, systematic, and all. It's even far from cool. There's nothing that stop people who wants to leave K*ndo in ITB except their own will, or their friends. Including me, haha :D Had not I love sword and sword fighting so much, I'd have already left it, or even didn't join it in the first part.

       As for the reason for people to left K*ndo ITB.. Well, there's many to list, and let's just list it:

1) Not that many people can survive from ongoing and continuous exercise.
       Well, of course we know all too well that when 'mager' comes, there's almost nothing heavier than doing an exercise. Not to mention that with the flow of time, the hardship of K*ndo exercise will rise. From what's only known as an exercise without having to sweat becoming an exercise that tires us without us needing to sweat. Strange? Yeah, but that's true. Also, the needs to study more in lecture's lesson also arise. I think that's why many people can't survive well to the self-examination.

2) The traditions are good, but is not that good for Moslem.
       I won't bribe you readers with good words about its tradition, that's not my point. My point is that there's a lack of supportive community for Moslems who wants to join in the arena. It's not surprising because many of the seniors are Japanese-culture fan, me too. So, you know lha yea, one of the most interesting thing to mention about Japan. Hmm, what kind of man in this world who doesn't know about it? Well I'm sure there're many kind, but for man who lives in the diversity of ITB, and maybe already meet with so many different people in their (probably)famous senior high school and junior high school, it's quite strange for them not to know about it. So, well, I will be blunt to you that some of the sempais easily talk about it behind the stage(like after the routine exercise, eating together, or else) just as carefree as when they're talking about something else. Then, the people also likes to badmouth like mocking or in my city it's called misuh. Of course it's irritating and making the people who heard it feels as if it were normal. Because they happen too often. But, I think that's not healthy for both our mental state and for our long term way of thinking. Well, lastly it's about the shalat prayer. From my experience yesterday, having a journey from Jakarta to Bandung, the people are not that careful and paying attention to shalat that much. Well, we sometimes speak Alhamdulillah, istighfar, but somehow I rarely saw them have their shalat prayer. Except for the '11 sempai, it's pretty scarce to see the other do it.

       Sooo that's all, I think that's what I want to try to teach them. I wanna try to teach them to be consistent and istiqomah, to be attentive to their surroundings but still being able to filter between what's good and what's not, I wanna try to teach them that our surroundings very may have impact on our well being, or in my case, our state of iman, but still what's also important is how we can keep our Islamic values when facing these kind of condition. So, stay consistent, istiqomah, be attentive and have a good filter, hold dear to your values, Haw!

Trying to stay alive
source : http://wallpaper-download.net/wallpapers/3d-wallpapers-light-dark-wallpaper-35822.jpg

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