*** Pacaran ? ***

Why I try to avoid having a girlfriend:

1) Avoiding emotional attachment

       Once in my life, I ever tried to, you know, care to someone more than I did to others. I told her that I'm willing to learn about what it means caring to someone else. She said yes, and so I did try. Everything doesn't go real well and eventually I found myself being too attached to her. It's more like she's my storydump, or whatever like it. I tell any stories, any thoughts, anything that I feel like burdening me without a thought of how she felt about my stories, about what I did. Over time, I realized that I need to give some space to her. Lotsa space. I need to understand that I'm being too offensive, not nice. I learned a lot from her, tho. But then we part ways, she lived in our hometown and I got accepted somewhere new to me.
       Here, I feel pretty much still attached to her. Attached to her presence. Her absence in my life has created a hole which I don't know what to fill with. But now, I realized that I was lucky. I can't imagine getting attached to someone in my life who doesn't even give any guarantee of us being married. I can't imagine when I'm already married and I feel down and sad and depressed, my wife isn't the first one I called. It's the person of my past. If you were my wife, how would you feel? Hurted?
       I want to become emotionally stable on my own, until my marriage makes me share that stability with the one Allah gave me. I want us to trust each other without any 3rd party which can hurt both of us. I want her to know that I really did trust her with everything I have. So that we can really devote ourselves to Allah without any mutual distrust that happen when there's a 3rd party in our relationship.

2) Avoiding being a comparing person

       You know, when you've got experience in something, of course you want to do something which is better the next time you do it. My mommy says the same thing also happens in relationship. She was a psychologist and she told me that often men who cheats do it because they think that their present relationship with her wife is not as good as their previous relationship with their previous girlfriend, thus they seek someone to fulfill that hole caused by the flaws of his wife. He did it because he thought his previous girlfriend is more perfect, is better than his wife. That's why he choose to go back to his previous girlfriend who already knows him well, who understands him, who know what he'd been through, who can soothe him in any condition that he faced, and every other aspect that his wife can't give. If you were my wife, how would you feel? Worthless? Useless?
       I really don't wish for that to happen. I just want to be real, to see what is right in front of me and what I have at that time, without looking back too much to compare my precious wife to an old silhouette of someone else who is not even there to really help me. She was just a memory which can only be memory because I already chose the one I want to build my memories with from the moment I decided to shake her father's hand and speak my commitment and forth.

That's why I try my best to keep myself away from having a girlfriend.