Wrecked.

                                                                 Alright, --. What?
                   Well, maybe I'll just write some things that has been on my mind these past days.

                                                                                 ...

                                                             Wrecked. Everything.

Almost, though, just as hyperbole~ But my life's been really really ... Kacau.
Saking kacaunya sampe aku nggak yakin yang mana dari aku yang pantas untuk dipegang.
Still the same as before, I don't know what I should be thinking. I'm still lost. Or so I thought. I'm killing myself, my own personality. Maybe that's the price for being a better person, huh? Even I myself didn't really sure that things will work out fine. Nothing of me can be held for a grip of surity. I think that's it. I lost grip of my own self. Pemberontakan oleh diriku sendiri pada diriku sendiri. These are getting crazy. I really am unstable and undefined. And tomorrow(whut? I've predicted it? Nice one, bad guy!), I mean yesterday -- and the other day I played for long while it was still exams. This's the most 'suram'-est UAS in my life, really. The main cause wasn't the UAS itself, but my life, and the UAS succeed to make it worse -_-v. Man, don't trust 100% to anything and everything that I do and I said in these days. I'm really labile right now, yeah, the things I've been holding onto is falling apart-pinjem kata" Yuumei. And yeah, I'm killing another side of myself right now. Or trying to make second personality? I've ever thought of that. But really, the other side of me is taking control of me and I accept it. I haven't tried this way, so maybe if I try it then some things will work--while others don't -_-. I just wanna control myself and if it's the price, so be it. Tapi UAS ku terbengkalai, many things didn't work out well. I'm losing myself, I'm losing my inner happiness, I'm losing my smile, I'm losing my usual happy moment with my friends, I'm losing her, I'm losing my UAS's score. Sisi bahagia dan senang-senangku lagi dipegang sama sisi negatif, I shouldn't be like this, I shouldn't be like those. And the effect? Aku ngelakuin beberapa, oke fine, banyak, hal bodoh yang bodoh banget untuk tetep bisa survive (?). Aku beberapa kali ran away from my own life. From the title of smalane, from the words that I said to all smalane. I'm being not as positive as before right now, really. Well, you know? I'm happy I'm not a really masochist guy, if yes, I don't know how my physical condition right now's genna be. And now on my mind I was thinking of just memutar-putar badan dengan tangan terentang terus muter" dan muter" sampe nabrak tembok, ada tembok tambah dikencengin biar tambah seru, tambah 'brak' dan muter" kepalaku juga biar 'brak' juga. Nendang muter juga, yang penting kenceng, GILA>:. >>>>>;>akl;sdja;sljkd

So, don't trust 100%-ly for everything I've said up there. Just take the facts and for opinions, it's really labile. Meanwhile, you know? Actually questioning and doubting my own words leaves a really uneasy feelings on my self. But what should be done? I'm going crazy these days, kehilangan akal sehat buat bisa mikir yang mana yang akal sehat yang mana yang bukan. Otakku bilang ini, badanku ngapain? Itu...

I really am loosing her-and I mean it ._. . The feelings, : (. Where's it? God, Allah, help me.

-- Me, Loki, Hawari.
np: Going Crazy - Loki (Asal tulis)