Lost

Because of that, came these moments.
The moment I started hating my self.
The moment I stopped to love my self.
The moment I gave up enjoying life.
The moment I quit looking forward for tomorrow.
The moment I began to walk in the despair world.
The moment I was introduced with the feels of agony.
The moment I wanted to give up living.
The moment I was willing to give up living. 
The moment I lost my self.


When will these moments be over? I wonder.
Allah, give me something. Give me someone. Give me the best. I want to live but I just can't. I shouldn't. But, yeah. I want these to be over. But how?
I want to live, but I shouldn't have. What should I do?
Ini bukan galau masalah biasa, ini galau masalah hidup mati, masalah nggak mau ngelanjutin hidup tapi tau bahwa bukan sekarang saatnya untuk mati. Ini bukan galau. Ini pemikiran serius. Yang udah berlangsung lama dan bukan perihal main-main. Sayangnya, hidup jalan terus. Aku takut sama masa depan nanti, waktu waktu yang bakal aku laluin. Aku takut. Jangan, ya Allah, jangan.

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Grand Chase: Dream Couple

Couple system, released on around 1.5 years ago(can't remember it clearly)

                                                             
       After you've seen the words, you might think that I must be experienced with it or often meet with people like these and all. But in actuality, it isn't. It's reciprocal with those thoughts *--". I had never been on any relationships in Grand Chase. Couple nor Guild, I had never participated in any of them. Dunno why. But this time, I'm going to tell you about the couple things.
       It's not like I didn't intend to have any special relationship in online games, I did. It's just that they're too-what's it-short, maybe. They're way too fragile. Once one confessed to another. What's needed to stop that relationship? Just stop play. And it's all over. There's no really-what's it again--"-relation. They can just abandon the other easily. That's why I don't like it. Well, and also... I have some(maybe) quite high standard for being my couple, GuardianLoki's couple. But, what's it that I want?

Mari again, in Bluebell Gacha(not released yet in Indo).

       My dream girl itself is a strong girl. Since for almost all online games I was born for the fighting scenarios, PvP. I like to fight. And my dream couple is, of course, a fighter too. First, she definitely has to be able to take care of herself well. Since I can't always be by her side not only when we're on a fight together but also when we aren't on it. I will definitely, what's it, adore her so much. If she does able. That's super cool, girl. And even cooler, after she can taken care of herself well, she also can do duet well with me. We can synchronize(?!?). Don't be so annoyed, I've told ya, right? This's just dream girl, man. Deal with it. We play not to overcome others, but to protect each other. She can protect herself, and on the same time she can protect my back as well. We're just like one character with weapon on left and the right side. We're just like a fortress that will never be able to break through. We're just going to be as deadly and thirst for blood as ever. We're the best combination, and we're the dream couple. :D
       Well, too good to be true, right? But somehow I think that's the dream girl of every PvP-er. Or just me? And well, because of these qualification for girl of mine. In the lower part of my statistics of characters there's no yellow text(place for couple's name) that ever adorned it. Just to tell ya, the couple system went out at around 1.5 years ago and, well, that's my story. Thanks --"

   Well well, aren't these 2 something?

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Kenapa harus gini? ... I just want to share. And that's how you reacted. I'm fine already with you being chosen. Aku ikhlas. Now, I wanna know whether that really is the best choice for you. I'm not hurt because of you becoming it. I was hurt because you didn't told me. Sounds foolish, right? You said that your score might go bad if you joined any other one. Are you sure you can keep learning while becoming it? I don't know. That's why I asked. And you keep silent. Gosh, why is this so wrong? ..

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Inspiring. (?) xD

Again, have you?

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming - Finding Nemo

Keep trying!

                                                                               Fighting! :)

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New Feelings: Lonely

                                                                              Lonely.

Now, finally, in this life of mine. I know how it was. Finally.
I've got this something-is-missing feeling since, well, maybe around one week ago.
I've ever told you, right? I don't exactly know what I want. I just want someone to be there. Fill the gap within my heart.
Someone. Or anyone. Isn't it scary? Feels like anyone shall fill my heart. Meanwhile if I my heart is filled with the wrong person, then my life may be ruined.
It feels like I have something to say to someone, but there's no one that's going to hear and understand it well. And the someone herself. In the end, I can do is just to soothe myself by thinking positively about it. But, in the end, nobody hears me out.
I'm not really surprised with how lonely works, but I just knew that it can be pretty torturing. And when I saw my friends go home right away. One by one, they left me. Just now I knew. How it really felt.
Knowing that the only one who's going to cheer you up is only you yourself. That's all.

Wish you guys good nights :). Semangat H2O2 ~

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